i wish there were pregnant emoticons
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
