So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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