Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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