I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
