Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
