Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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