Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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