im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
