they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
