Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
worst night to have a conscience
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
