Your face is a jimmy john
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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