I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
