Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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