you guys were way drunker than both of me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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