I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
