drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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