he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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