I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
