wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
