You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
