I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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