we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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