I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
