You're completely useless in the revolution.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
