There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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