what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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