I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He kissed a someone with a penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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