Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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