I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
