haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
