I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
