she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
