My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
