Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
