You just made me feel so damn special
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
