The maid of honor just puked.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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