farters have to be the big spoon...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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