Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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