im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
