i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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