And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
