First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
