You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
