with your own penis?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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