Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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