dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
