i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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