HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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