is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
