She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
