The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
