this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
