put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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