am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
