she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
