Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
