Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
