Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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