I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
