The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
