??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
