I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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