Everything about him screamed your future.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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