Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
