look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
