i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
