One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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