It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
