nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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