I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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