dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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