Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
