No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
