so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
