Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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