I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
