I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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