That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
