I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
