I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
