This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
